[He did promise they'd talk. And he doesn't go back on promises. In general, and especially not to Natasha.
And it isn't like he wants to keep secrets. Not from her, not from those closest to him. Steve knows, Tony knows, but those were both kind of due to circumstances and conversations that--no, he can't just go and blame circumstance. He hadn't really planned on it, though, on saying what he's said and who he's said it to. If he keeps avoiding it, it's not going to get better, only fester.
But also, for as concerned as he was that Steve would immediately go off and do something stupid for his sake, Clint is also concerned Nat will bide her time and then go off and do something sneakily stupid for his sake, which could be worse, because nobody will see it coming.
He's thinking too hard, perhaps. He doesn't text her first, just makes his way over to her room, knocks on her door, hopes she's in, hopes her roomie's not. They can always go somewhere else. Roof, maybe. Quiet and private. Whatever works for a talk, just...so long as they talk and he doesn't keep avoiding it.]
[She isn't expecting anyone over, though she has been talking to a few people lately. Mostly about the capabilities of what they can do here. She doesn't like being surprised, and while she's settling into this place as much as one can, Nat hardly trusts anything about it either.
So the knock is a bit of a surprise. Opening the door, her half look of suspicion turns to a softer grin when she sees him, arms crossing out of habit.]
Hey, stranger. [At least he did come to her though, and she didn't have to start tracking him down. Nat isn't entirely sure if he wants to come in, but once again, she hardly trusts this place and while she's good with her roommate, she has a feeling this isn't going to be the easiest of conversations.]
Yeah. I'd like that. [Get away from the roomie it is. He'll take it. Frankly, he'll take any personal time with Nat.
It's still strange. That she's here. Alive, for whatever that means in this place. For as awful as it all is, there's some good to this reality if it means the dead don't have to be dead.]
You doing okay? Getting on with your roommate? Been dealing with any weird magical crap? [At least this is better than him being half feral with anxiety, skewering little puffball kings hither and thither. He certainly looks and sounds more like himself now that he's not under some kind of weird magical crap, at least in that regard.]
[He's not the only one thinking that it's still very strange to be alive. It's hard to even view it as a second chance when she isn't upset about the sacrifice she's made, and really this place is so different. Nat is here though, so she is trying to make the best of what she can, to once again be an asset and try and help where she can.
The weather is pretty tempered, so she grabs a few things off the table, stuffs them in her pocket, and heads out the door with him at her side, willing to follow if he has an idea of where he wants to go. Really, it'll be good to actually talk to him.]
Dealing. [She gives a soft lift of one of her shoulders. They've been through worse, but his question of 'weird magical crap' gets a huff out of her nose.]
[They can simply walk rather than going through the effort, however brief, of climbing up to the roof. Maybe avoid the treeline. The beach? The beach, maybe. He's pretty sure the water doesn't talk back or listen in. But what the hell does he know.]
Nothing we were ever trained for, right? [There's an ironic lift to the corner of his mouth. Monsters and magic. Fairies and coming back from the dead. Hell, not just Loki, but two Lokis.] I didn't buy into getting magic, but it sounds like so long as you're here, things are just gonna magically change you anyway. Kinda hard to accept.
Not initially, [She agrees, walking on to see where he’s leading her toward. It’s not entirely important, though she doesn’t trust the treeline—- or any plants now for that matter.]
But we’ve faced unknown obstacles with less chances of success. [Not all of them made it, but that doesn’t mean she’s laying down either.]
There’s a lot of resilient people here. People who care.
A lot of people with powers and abilities beyond the standard human who also wanna be part of Tony's shiny new Avengers. [Which still rankles him, just not nearly so much after they talked about it. Does he want children taught to fight? Of course not. Is it safer if they learn to use their powers effectively and in a team setting rather than let them go off on their own and get themselves killed? Sure, he can concede to that.
El had been so upset to think Clint didn't want her to be an Avenger. And sometimes he's soft at heart. Don't go spreading that awful rumor, now.]
And yeah. People who care. And people worth caring about.
Someone’s got to try and keep them safe. [She of all people is not for children fighting, but she also knows that even if they say no, there’s a good chance they’ll still get hurt trying to help. She’d heard about Peter with the dragon attack.]
We don’t have a lot of options, and there’s a lot of theories running around about why we are all divided into different courts. [Something she’s waiting for them to use against them herself.]
And we have to do something. [Prepare. Try and figure out what exactly is going on. It’s certainly not safe.]
Have to do something when we've got enough information to go off of. Seems we're getting surprised at every turn.
[And it sucks. He'd told Strange he could be eyes and ears, not realizing how complicated such a task would be. All the rules have changed here.] When you can get put under someone's spell anytime, makes things all the more difficult.
When you're not in control of your own decisons. [She nods, crossing her arms a bit more uncomfortable, but she understands it. She's been here as long as him. She's experienced it herself. It's changed the playing field in a lot of ways, and she isn't surprised that Tony made the decision he did. She hasn't come to it, but trying to get an advantage on this is difficult.]
I met a girl that I think can recharge my Widow bites. She seems interested in learning about how the magic and energy of this all works.
[It's something. A way to bridge what they do know and what is happening here.]
Tony's been busy at the blacksmith, and Strange does his magic mojo, and those two seem to get along enough I don't doubt we'll see some actual magitech in the near future. Right now, I'm just looking forward to crafting my own arrows again. Maybe the doc can magic some up. Get some extra oomph out of them.
[Something's better than nothing. Little bits of progress. Even if it doesn't feel like it.]
I mean, they got us all phones, but it's all magic, kind of, somehow? I don't think I'll ever quite get a handle on it. Just trying to understand Wanda's magic was hard enough.
Yeah, I know. They aren't the only ones working on it. [And it's not that she doesn't trust them, but she's also been spreading her own wings a bit, seeing who else is stuck there in fairy land with them, and what all different people can do.]
Maybe getting arrows that can counter magic? Reverse it? [If that's possible. She doesn't know. It's not like she's got a handle on this part of it all either.]
I met a boy from our world that has it, too. Magic. He was explaining it a little to me. [She has a feeling there's some sort of connection to him, but she doesn't know that he's somehow Wanda's son. But not.]
If somehow someone can conjure up some anti-magic on my weapons, I'm never putting them down. [Yes he said conjure deliberately. He thinks he's funny.
The mention of a boy from their world gives him pause.] William? [Or...Billy. Or both. He seemed to settle on William when they talked.] Yeah, he's a good kid. Troubled kid. Strange circumstances that I gotta admit, I don't quite get. Which...is fine, cuz it sounds like he doesn't really get it either.
If there's magic, there should be a counter to it. [Seems logical anyway. Nat gives a shrug. It might just stop people in their tracks from doing anything else. Not sure if it would work on inanimate objects, but start slow. It's an idea.]
Yeah, him. [She gives a nod.] He knew who I was.
[Not that that is all that hard. She did leak her entire file years back when SHIELD was overtaken by HYDRA. But well given everything else that happened, it makes sense, too.] He seems like he knows what he's talking about. About the magic. Not sure how similar it is here, but he still might be someone to talk to more about it. He said anyone can do it if they learn.
[Which she still isn't sold on it herself. But... options. They need options.]
Strange teaches people that don't have magic otherwise. There's different schools of it, I guess? Sorcerer Supreme is different from a witch full of chaos magic. Sometimes you can make the magic happen; sometimes the magic happens to you. Is the impression I get. William's the kind that magic happened to.
[Something something entwined souls, something something possessing a dead kid? It's Complicated, and that's not even touching the 'magicked into being by Wanda in the first place' thing.]
Is it weird to be recognized? [Because there's a difference, he feels, between being recognized on the street sometimes as an Avenger, and being recognized because you were an Avenger who then died.] Tony's got whole murals across the world. I know you wouldn't appreciate some big spectacle, but you deserve more than a little memorializing.
Guess it makes sense if there is different kinds. [Who knows. She's still learning, and it's a lot to process, but here they are in this place. She needs to try and wrap her mind around it a little more.
Hands slip into the pockets of her jeans with a pause at that question.] I heard about the play. [She shakes her head again.]
William met me right when I got here-- so essentially right after I died. So that was kind of weird. Like people being from different times. I think it's weirder that there are two Tonys. [That takes a lot more getting used to. Loki and Tony have two versions. Of course they would.]
Oh god. Who told you about the musical? I took the kids. We dressed up. We walked out. [He shakes his head. The costumes were so bad? The story was so milquetoast? He had a terrible flashback anxiety spiral? --okay that one wasn't the fault of the show; that's on him. But still. Bad time all around.]
Two Tonys and two Lokis both are really weird. And our Tony's-- ['like you' seems insensitive.] Alive again here. I don't know what any of it means anymore.
Oh, it's a musical? Great. [She can't help the laugh when she looks over at his expression at that news. No, she never wanted anything about what she did. It was never about the attention. It was about Clint getting his family and children again.]
Wait. You saw it? Isn't that like self-congratulatory? [Nat's elbow finds his side, teasing him as she continues to smile.]
Yeah, he told me what happened. That the two of us seem to be 'back'. [However that happened, she doesn't know, but she's here. In the flesh. Nat sobers a little with a little shrug.]
I don't know what it means either. An afterlife? I guess literally. But I'm just focusing on trying to make sense of this place-- or keep us all as safe as possible.
I got invited to a red carpet showing and figured I'd take the kids to their first trip to New York for Christmas. We did other things besides take in half a show, so it wasn't a waste. [And then he sent them home and almost missed Christmas entirely. No big deal.]
I don't know how much sense this place can make. The trees talk. Honest to god. And [he tugs at a sleeve, flashing some of his tattoo, except that the snake blinks blearily as though waking up from a nap and shakes off some sleep, tongue flicking out--and then he tugs it back down again] shit like that starts happening. Steve's got lizard scales. Tony's got fangs. People are growing wings and antlers. Hell, I haven't had to charge my hearing aid since I got here, and it should've been dead within days, so something got all kinds of magical about that.
[She can't help but feel a surge of something when he talks about his kids. Okay, okay. He's allowed to take them to see that horrible music if it means actually getting to be with them. That's why she did what she did. Right there, and while her smile hides a sharp feeling to her own chest, there's no regret. Not even an ounce of it.]
Did they like it? New York, I mean. [Because please tell her more about it.
The conversation switches to this place again, and she looks down at his arm when she sees the tattoo. Another nod. They're a little further out now, and she hasn't talked a whole lot about... well most of this, keeping it close to her chest.]
Yeah, I'm not immune from it either. [She lifts her red hair behind her ear where her skin has turned a dark purple, spreading down the back of her neck.]
Yeah. Yeah, they liked it well enough. It was nice to do touristy things, you know? Look at the city through the eyes of someone who's only ever seen it on tv. What they all really wanted was for me to go back home with them and do all the usual Christmas stuff leading up to the day, but... [A shrug, mild.] Something came up. Big something came up. Several somethings came up, and now I've got a sort of partner sort of apprentice.
You'd like her. Kate. You'd also get real annoyed with her, but she's got a good heart. I think she even made friends with Yelena, in a way.
[And it's all...complicated to feel and think about. That it was Christmas and now he's spent several what-feels-like-months here in this place in decidedly not Christmastime. That he had to vanish from their lives again, but at least it beats the other way around.
Seems like they're all going through some changes, though, the longer they all stay here. He has to wonder if Banner's got anything going on--like he needs more transformation in his life. His brow furrows, and he reaches out a hand to brush the back of his fingers lightly along the skin.]
[She takes it all in, like the very proud aunt she is, until he starts telling her other things happened. A twitch of her head, a half question forming before he mentions Yelena, and her eyes go wide. He did mention her, but didn't say she was in New York. There's about half a dozen more questions forming in her mind, mostly what Yelena was even doing in New York. Then again-- after she blipped, she was probably trying to find her own place back in the world.
And Nat wasn't there. It's the first time there's a pang of guilt, to not be there to help her sister. But she does know that she's capable. She'll make it, because that's what she does.
Clint's fingers slide down where she assumes the purple is trailing, and shakes her head.]
No, doesn't hurt. But I think it's traveling. [The very tips of her fingers are just a couple hues darker.] Appeared a day or two ago. Nothing feels different. I haven't lit anyone on fire. Guess we're all changing.
[His hand lingers along the warmth of her skin for a few long moments before dropping away.] It starts feeling weird, you let me know, and I'll see what I can do to help. Might not be much, but hey, I can help Steve with his aloe at the spots he can't reach, so maybe whatever I can do is...not nothing.
[Doing anything at all feels better. It's all the shit he can do nothing about that drives him up the wall. They aren't powerful, they aren't super, and they aren't mutants. The two of them, they're just people. Extremely capable, extensively trained people. But bog standard humans nevertheless.]
Magic itself doesn't scare me, Natasha. I told the kid as much. It's weird, but it's easy to get used to weird when you fight a robot invasion in a flying city and fight modern Nazis with laser weapons and have alien gods fight alongside you. It's all about the intent of the person using the magic. You wanna heat up my coffee hands free, be my guest. You wanna use me or my friends as puppets, we're gonna have some words. Magical things happening to us without any real rhyme or reason, I'm not a big fan of.
[His touch lingers for a few seconds after his hand drops, and she keeps her jaw tighter than probably necessary, but she's watching him carefully, more because they're probably getting closer to the important part of the conversation. Because things are happening. Things have happened here already.]
I will. [She means it. If whatever this is turns into something she needs help with, he's one of the few people she trusts implicitly.
But he goes into a big hero speech, and she can't help the little smile. It's something that kind of just comes with the territory with who they are what they do, but it's still nice to hear. Mostly because they're on the same wavelength. It's good to know that. Feels like they're still partners.]
We've been through a lot. I know. I was there. [Well at least until she wasn't. She was also kind of the defacto leader for the little sabatical he took, so she doesn't exactly need a pep talk here, but she doesn't stop him either. It feels like more that he needs to get it out of his system, and she agrees.]
I'm not scared of what could happen-- [She lifts her hands up to show the tips of her fingers, the very real evidence of change.] I'm not even scared of what they could do to me. I just don't want to see good people-- innocent kids get hurt.
[After all she's had choice taken away from her more than once, but she can't just sit around and let it happen to other people, kids especially.]
[It takes a lot of struggling self-control to not point out that she was there until she wasn't, because that's unnecessary. And he knows it would fall out of his mouth clumsily, might turn his tongue into a sharpened knife, when the only thing she deserves is his thanks and his praise. She isn't wrong, of course. They have been through a lot. And she was there for a lot of it.
But then she wasn't, and a year is never going to be long enough to put that guilt and pain to rest.
So what he focuses on instead is this, about the kids getting hurt, about protecting them. It flares something fierce and angry and, yes, also pained inside him.]
I've been trying to warn people away from the king. I don't know if ageless beings even understand the concept of age, but if I catch him even looking at a kid, I'm gonna pluck out his god damn eyes.
[Or he'll make an attempt. And do one of those stupid noble things that aren't going to work the way he warned Steve against doing.]
When those little ones were running around, I heard screaming, and-- [Is this his story to tell? Maybe not. Maybe he won't use a name and then it'll be okay.] One of the girls was having a bad time with the creeps. She was so scared. Things had happened to her, you know, before she was brought here, and I don't know what, but it hurt her, physically and emotionally. And whatever it was, the little psychopaths getting handsy wasn't helping. I don't know if she was also kind of affected by some magic they had. They didn't hurt, far as I know, just mostly were annoying as hell, but I was scared. More than I ever should have been.
She can't be older than Lila. None of these kids deserve to be here, and they don't deserve being afraid, and they don't deserve being traumatized by whatever god damn weirdness the fae want to pretend is totally normal around here.
[She's more than aware of what can happen here, and with the kids here, too, well-- that's a whole other layer to this, and it almost turns her stomach. Especially at the story Clint tells her about the girl he knows, and it doesn't help at all.]
No. None of this should be happening. You were slicing those little guys like you had a personal vendetta. I haven't run into the King myself, other than appearances, but I don't like the idea of what does go on here any more than you do.
[He doesn't know. He doesn't know, and that's the worst part about all of this, the not knowing. He shakes his head, storms off ahead until sand crunches under his shoes, reminding himself to breathe. Breathe in the cool breeze coming off the water, hold it in, let it go.]
I don't know what any of them are planning for with the kids. I don't even think targeting is the right word. It's just--
[He shoves his hands in his pockets and feels the tight fists they form. It's got a neat little box tucked away in his head that every day he gets a little better at setting aside. Sometimes it comes tumbling down off the pile of shit to compartmentalize anyway.]
When you talk to him, he isn't going to give you any choice what happens next. I don't know if it's every conversation, I just know that he can, that he does, that he will. We barely started a conversation before I was ten kinds of smitten, didn't even question it, and we went to his room that apparently you can't find in the castle unless he wants you to, and it was like I forgot everyone else ever existed. Everything he did was the best thing I ever felt in my life. So yeah. I've got a personal vendetta. And I want to protect anyone and everyone I can from him.
cw: talk of loss of autonomy, sex, sexual manipulation
[While she had an idea that something happened, knowing full well what it’s like to be on the side of a powerful organization that did what it wanted, hearing Clint describe what he went through stills her. Natasha knows there’s nothing in this world or any other she can do to change it or fix it, but she can listen, so she does. Her hand finds his, not out of pity, but a strength in her eyes.
She knew it was bad. She knew what they were capable of, but it makes her skin crawl to know someone else she cares about has been used in such a way. Nat knows what men are capable of, more importantly what men in powerful positions. She’s used that to her own advantage more than once.]
I’m so sorry, Clint. No one should be put in a position like that. You should have had a choice. That seems to be their MO though.
[She shifts and clears her throat.] Not the same thing, but they tricked me, too. I went to one of their quests—- more for something to do. Catching up, while I do. No one mentioned that the plants they had us looking for caused that same—- desire, that you mentioned. Like our entire bodies were on fire. That we just needed the other person.
We both kind of realized what was happening, so it didn’t feel like either of us were doing it to the other. But then something similar was going on with the maze— not to me, but I heard about it. Luckily it was someone that can take care of themselves, but I don’t like it. I don’t like that they can use something to take our choice away.
Jesus. [He heaves it out like a sigh, trying to ball everything up in his chest like he can expel it in one go. It doesn't work, of course, but at least he can curl his hand around hers.] It's just a game to these things, isn't it. Probably laughing at us. Or maybe they think we're all having fun with it.
Cap's been trying to figure out how to get justice. [His scoff is probably a somewhat rude reaction to the idea.] Of course he has. You know how he is. He hates the idea that things can happen with no repercussions. I told him not to go right after the king. I'm not letting that happen. None of us should have to be doing this fucking mind control song and dance, and here's Tony with the power to do it, and making deals with the bastard, having a totally different experience. Crazy. Don't fucking understand it.
ongoing trigger warnings then-- read at your own risk
It's probably some sort of 'trickster' thing to them. Despite the real harm it's doing. [Not just 'can' do, because they're all living with some shade of it. It makes the hair up her spine stand on end as she squeezes her hand. They're in it together.]
I haven't told Steve. It's complicated. [But she isn't surprised by his reaction at all. Steve had managed to come to some agreement with his little King puffball. Of course he would try some diplomatic means of getting through to all this. It's not that she isn't hopeful for that, but they need some sort of action.]
You know Tony. He'll figure something to get out on top of this. He always does. I wouldn't take it personally--[Until he destroyed Thanos, she hears. But still apparently his memory is a big deal in death. It's not a jealousy thing. She really doesn't care a whole lot about her own legacy. Just that the Widows are safe. Clint's with his family. The people she cares about are happy, living.]
We have to come up with a way to void out his powers. Magic that drains. Magic that does the opposite? I don't know. Something. Maybe Dr. Strange and him can come up with something that we can use. Maybe even like the Widow bites. Some kind of magical charge that at the very least stops them before they can do anything.
I was waiting until I could figure myself out first. And then figured if I kept waiting, it'd just build up until I exploded in some way, and nobody needs to see that. That and, uh, I think the ambient magic of those little shits had some other effects besides fear. [He waggles his free hand.] Call it an aroused state causing a state of arousal. Fear-horny? I dunno, but that was going on, too, and me and Steve got talking.
And Tony knows [and someday they're both going to learn that Tony does not, in fact, know, that they both were having a tremendously stupid misunderstanding about the whole thing] after talking to me about how he went and fucked the king for something in exchange. Like, eyes open, deliberate exchange. Made a few crass remarks. He's lucky I didn't punch him in the face again.
[He looks out along the water, rolling a shoulder.] Steve worries about us sometimes, but somehow Tony and I make it work. Fight and then get over it. Now, far as what to do about the charming Spring King, anyone got a bottle of glue to keep his mouth shut? Maybe a roll of duct tape?
No, I get it. [Fear-horny seems applicable actually, though she didn't have the fear part.] I think I was a little more liberal with the kissing. The need wasn't the same, but the idea didn't bother me as much-- because well, I guess there was a point to it.
[Getting those little creeps out of her hair, and well she's done more than kissing for less.]
Tony knew and said something? [Tony's an ass even on the best of days. He's certainly made sexual comments about Nat while Nat was there-- granted, it was before he knew what she was capable of. But still. She doesn't think Tony would purposely poke at something of this nature.
But-- well men are men between the two of them. Sometimes it's easier to just punch it out and move on. She shakes her head.]
You can't bottle it all up. And we can't fight them with our usual tactics. Me and you might be out of our depths, but that doesn't mean we have to stay there. I'm not suggesting trading or being tricked or whatever else they want to call deals. If Tony did his his way, he's a big boy. You and I, we can find a way through this. Together. I'm still here, you know. You could have come to me, too.
[And really she should probably talk to Steve, too. But probably she should talk to Bucky first.]
[Clint frowns down at the sand for a few moments. Tony's an adult and can do whatever he wants however he wants; he should just be less of a dick about it. And the two normies standing here can help figure something out or get out of the way until something's figured out and then help in other ways.
And she's still here. Hasn't disappeared. Isn't dead.
He lifts her hand and lightly kisses the back of it.] I came to you now. [He's not going to apologize for not coming sooner. Tony was out of the blue, and Steve was just a product of circumstance. This was a deliberate choice, and he feels like that means something more than nothing.] I'm not trying to keep secrets.
I know. [Her hand turns to cup the side of his face gently. This isn't a judgment or thinking he should have done anything differently than what he did do. She certainly isn't expecting any kind of apology, and would tell him that, too.]
I don't think you are. We're having this conversation like we said we would. I know what this means. What happens after that kind of choice gets taken from you. I just want you to know I am here. I'm still your partner. Even if you've replaced me. [It's a tease, a lift of the corner of her mouth, because even if Kate is cool and good at what she does, that doesn't mean Natasha can be replaced either. She is happy that he has someone in his corner though.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
action (ssssssometime after the lil narcisos time is neublous who knows)
And it isn't like he wants to keep secrets. Not from her, not from those closest to him. Steve knows, Tony knows, but those were both kind of due to circumstances and conversations that--no, he can't just go and blame circumstance. He hadn't really planned on it, though, on saying what he's said and who he's said it to. If he keeps avoiding it, it's not going to get better, only fester.
But also, for as concerned as he was that Steve would immediately go off and do something stupid for his sake, Clint is also concerned Nat will bide her time and then go off and do something sneakily stupid for his sake, which could be worse, because nobody will see it coming.
He's thinking too hard, perhaps. He doesn't text her first, just makes his way over to her room, knocks on her door, hopes she's in, hopes her roomie's not. They can always go somewhere else. Roof, maybe. Quiet and private. Whatever works for a talk, just...so long as they talk and he doesn't keep avoiding it.]
works for me
So the knock is a bit of a surprise. Opening the door, her half look of suspicion turns to a softer grin when she sees him, arms crossing out of habit.]
Hey, stranger. [At least he did come to her though, and she didn't have to start tracking him down. Nat isn't entirely sure if he wants to come in, but once again, she hardly trusts this place and while she's good with her roommate, she has a feeling this isn't going to be the easiest of conversations.]
Want to go for a walk?
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It's still strange. That she's here. Alive, for whatever that means in this place. For as awful as it all is, there's some good to this reality if it means the dead don't have to be dead.]
You doing okay? Getting on with your roommate? Been dealing with any weird magical crap? [At least this is better than him being half feral with anxiety, skewering little puffball kings hither and thither. He certainly looks and sounds more like himself now that he's not under some kind of weird magical crap, at least in that regard.]
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The weather is pretty tempered, so she grabs a few things off the table, stuffs them in her pocket, and heads out the door with him at her side, willing to follow if he has an idea of where he wants to go. Really, it'll be good to actually talk to him.]
Dealing. [She gives a soft lift of one of her shoulders. They've been through worse, but his question of 'weird magical crap' gets a huff out of her nose.]
I don't think that ever stops.
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Nothing we were ever trained for, right? [There's an ironic lift to the corner of his mouth. Monsters and magic. Fairies and coming back from the dead. Hell, not just Loki, but two Lokis.] I didn't buy into getting magic, but it sounds like so long as you're here, things are just gonna magically change you anyway. Kinda hard to accept.
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But we’ve faced unknown obstacles with less chances of success. [Not all of them made it, but that doesn’t mean she’s laying down either.]
There’s a lot of resilient people here. People who care.
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El had been so upset to think Clint didn't want her to be an Avenger. And sometimes he's soft at heart. Don't go spreading that awful rumor, now.]
And yeah. People who care. And people worth caring about.
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We don’t have a lot of options, and there’s a lot of theories running around about why we are all divided into different courts. [Something she’s waiting for them to use against them herself.]
And we have to do something. [Prepare. Try and figure out what exactly is going on. It’s certainly not safe.]
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[And it sucks. He'd told Strange he could be eyes and ears, not realizing how complicated such a task would be. All the rules have changed here.] When you can get put under someone's spell anytime, makes things all the more difficult.
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I met a girl that I think can recharge my Widow bites. She seems interested in learning about how the magic and energy of this all works.
[It's something. A way to bridge what they do know and what is happening here.]
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[Something's better than nothing. Little bits of progress. Even if it doesn't feel like it.]
I mean, they got us all phones, but it's all magic, kind of, somehow? I don't think I'll ever quite get a handle on it. Just trying to understand Wanda's magic was hard enough.
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Maybe getting arrows that can counter magic? Reverse it? [If that's possible. She doesn't know. It's not like she's got a handle on this part of it all either.]
I met a boy from our world that has it, too. Magic. He was explaining it a little to me. [She has a feeling there's some sort of connection to him, but she doesn't know that he's somehow Wanda's son. But not.]
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The mention of a boy from their world gives him pause.] William? [Or...Billy. Or both. He seemed to settle on William when they talked.] Yeah, he's a good kid. Troubled kid. Strange circumstances that I gotta admit, I don't quite get. Which...is fine, cuz it sounds like he doesn't really get it either.
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Yeah, him. [She gives a nod.] He knew who I was.
[Not that that is all that hard. She did leak her entire file years back when SHIELD was overtaken by HYDRA. But well given everything else that happened, it makes sense, too.] He seems like he knows what he's talking about. About the magic. Not sure how similar it is here, but he still might be someone to talk to more about it. He said anyone can do it if they learn.
[Which she still isn't sold on it herself. But... options. They need options.]
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[Something something entwined souls, something something possessing a dead kid? It's Complicated, and that's not even touching the 'magicked into being by Wanda in the first place' thing.]
Is it weird to be recognized? [Because there's a difference, he feels, between being recognized on the street sometimes as an Avenger, and being recognized because you were an Avenger who then died.] Tony's got whole murals across the world. I know you wouldn't appreciate some big spectacle, but you deserve more than a little memorializing.
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Hands slip into the pockets of her jeans with a pause at that question.] I heard about the play. [She shakes her head again.]
William met me right when I got here-- so essentially right after I died. So that was kind of weird. Like people being from different times. I think it's weirder that there are two Tonys. [That takes a lot more getting used to. Loki and Tony have two versions. Of course they would.]
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Two Tonys and two Lokis both are really weird. And our Tony's-- ['like you' seems insensitive.] Alive again here. I don't know what any of it means anymore.
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Wait. You saw it? Isn't that like self-congratulatory? [Nat's elbow finds his side, teasing him as she continues to smile.]
Yeah, he told me what happened. That the two of us seem to be 'back'. [However that happened, she doesn't know, but she's here. In the flesh. Nat sobers a little with a little shrug.]
I don't know what it means either. An afterlife? I guess literally. But I'm just focusing on trying to make sense of this place-- or keep us all as safe as possible.
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I don't know how much sense this place can make. The trees talk. Honest to god. And [he tugs at a sleeve, flashing some of his tattoo, except that the snake blinks blearily as though waking up from a nap and shakes off some sleep, tongue flicking out--and then he tugs it back down again] shit like that starts happening. Steve's got lizard scales. Tony's got fangs. People are growing wings and antlers. Hell, I haven't had to charge my hearing aid since I got here, and it should've been dead within days, so something got all kinds of magical about that.
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Did they like it? New York, I mean. [Because please tell her more about it.
The conversation switches to this place again, and she looks down at his arm when she sees the tattoo. Another nod. They're a little further out now, and she hasn't talked a whole lot about... well most of this, keeping it close to her chest.]
Yeah, I'm not immune from it either. [She lifts her red hair behind her ear where her skin has turned a dark purple, spreading down the back of her neck.]
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You'd like her. Kate. You'd also get real annoyed with her, but she's got a good heart. I think she even made friends with Yelena, in a way.
[And it's all...complicated to feel and think about. That it was Christmas and now he's spent several what-feels-like-months here in this place in decidedly not Christmastime. That he had to vanish from their lives again, but at least it beats the other way around.
Seems like they're all going through some changes, though, the longer they all stay here. He has to wonder if Banner's got anything going on--like he needs more transformation in his life. His brow furrows, and he reaches out a hand to brush the back of his fingers lightly along the skin.]
You okay? It hurt at all?
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And Nat wasn't there. It's the first time there's a pang of guilt, to not be there to help her sister. But she does know that she's capable. She'll make it, because that's what she does.
Clint's fingers slide down where she assumes the purple is trailing, and shakes her head.]
No, doesn't hurt. But I think it's traveling. [The very tips of her fingers are just a couple hues darker.] Appeared a day or two ago. Nothing feels different. I haven't lit anyone on fire. Guess we're all changing.
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[Doing anything at all feels better. It's all the shit he can do nothing about that drives him up the wall. They aren't powerful, they aren't super, and they aren't mutants. The two of them, they're just people. Extremely capable, extensively trained people. But bog standard humans nevertheless.]
Magic itself doesn't scare me, Natasha. I told the kid as much. It's weird, but it's easy to get used to weird when you fight a robot invasion in a flying city and fight modern Nazis with laser weapons and have alien gods fight alongside you. It's all about the intent of the person using the magic. You wanna heat up my coffee hands free, be my guest. You wanna use me or my friends as puppets, we're gonna have some words. Magical things happening to us without any real rhyme or reason, I'm not a big fan of.
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I will. [She means it. If whatever this is turns into something she needs help with, he's one of the few people she trusts implicitly.
But he goes into a big hero speech, and she can't help the little smile. It's something that kind of just comes with the territory with who they are what they do, but it's still nice to hear. Mostly because they're on the same wavelength. It's good to know that. Feels like they're still partners.]
We've been through a lot. I know. I was there. [Well at least until she wasn't. She was also kind of the defacto leader for the little sabatical he took, so she doesn't exactly need a pep talk here, but she doesn't stop him either. It feels like more that he needs to get it out of his system, and she agrees.]
I'm not scared of what could happen-- [She lifts her hands up to show the tips of her fingers, the very real evidence of change.] I'm not even scared of what they could do to me. I just don't want to see good people-- innocent kids get hurt.
[After all she's had choice taken away from her more than once, but she can't just sit around and let it happen to other people, kids especially.]
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But then she wasn't, and a year is never going to be long enough to put that guilt and pain to rest.
So what he focuses on instead is this, about the kids getting hurt, about protecting them. It flares something fierce and angry and, yes, also pained inside him.]
I've been trying to warn people away from the king. I don't know if ageless beings even understand the concept of age, but if I catch him even looking at a kid, I'm gonna pluck out his god damn eyes.
[Or he'll make an attempt. And do one of those stupid noble things that aren't going to work the way he warned Steve against doing.]
When those little ones were running around, I heard screaming, and-- [Is this his story to tell? Maybe not. Maybe he won't use a name and then it'll be okay.] One of the girls was having a bad time with the creeps. She was so scared. Things had happened to her, you know, before she was brought here, and I don't know what, but it hurt her, physically and emotionally. And whatever it was, the little psychopaths getting handsy wasn't helping. I don't know if she was also kind of affected by some magic they had. They didn't hurt, far as I know, just mostly were annoying as hell, but I was scared. More than I ever should have been.
She can't be older than Lila. None of these kids deserve to be here, and they don't deserve being afraid, and they don't deserve being traumatized by whatever god damn weirdness the fae want to pretend is totally normal around here.
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[She's more than aware of what can happen here, and with the kids here, too, well-- that's a whole other layer to this, and it almost turns her stomach. Especially at the story Clint tells her about the girl he knows, and it doesn't help at all.]
No. None of this should be happening. You were slicing those little guys like you had a personal vendetta. I haven't run into the King myself, other than appearances, but I don't like the idea of what does go on here any more than you do.
cw: discussion of sexual assault
I don't know what any of them are planning for with the kids. I don't even think targeting is the right word. It's just--
[He shoves his hands in his pockets and feels the tight fists they form. It's got a neat little box tucked away in his head that every day he gets a little better at setting aside. Sometimes it comes tumbling down off the pile of shit to compartmentalize anyway.]
When you talk to him, he isn't going to give you any choice what happens next. I don't know if it's every conversation, I just know that he can, that he does, that he will. We barely started a conversation before I was ten kinds of smitten, didn't even question it, and we went to his room that apparently you can't find in the castle unless he wants you to, and it was like I forgot everyone else ever existed. Everything he did was the best thing I ever felt in my life. So yeah. I've got a personal vendetta. And I want to protect anyone and everyone I can from him.
cw: talk of loss of autonomy, sex, sexual manipulation
She knew it was bad. She knew what they were capable of, but it makes her skin crawl to know someone else she cares about has been used in such a way. Nat knows what men are capable of, more importantly what men in powerful positions. She’s used that to her own advantage more than once.]
I’m so sorry, Clint. No one should be put in a position like that. You should have had a choice. That seems to be their MO though.
[She shifts and clears her throat.] Not the same thing, but they tricked me, too. I went to one of their quests—- more for something to do. Catching up, while I do. No one mentioned that the plants they had us looking for caused that same—- desire, that you mentioned. Like our entire bodies were on fire. That we just needed the other person.
We both kind of realized what was happening, so it didn’t feel like either of us were doing it to the other. But then something similar was going on with the maze— not to me, but I heard about it. Luckily it was someone that can take care of themselves, but I don’t like it. I don’t like that they can use something to take our choice away.
cw: just y'know all of that ongoing probably
Cap's been trying to figure out how to get justice. [His scoff is probably a somewhat rude reaction to the idea.] Of course he has. You know how he is. He hates the idea that things can happen with no repercussions. I told him not to go right after the king. I'm not letting that happen. None of us should have to be doing this fucking mind control song and dance, and here's Tony with the power to do it, and making deals with the bastard, having a totally different experience. Crazy. Don't fucking understand it.
ongoing trigger warnings then-- read at your own risk
I haven't told Steve. It's complicated. [But she isn't surprised by his reaction at all. Steve had managed to come to some agreement with his little King puffball. Of course he would try some diplomatic means of getting through to all this. It's not that she isn't hopeful for that, but they need some sort of action.]
You know Tony. He'll figure something to get out on top of this. He always does. I wouldn't take it personally--[Until he destroyed Thanos, she hears. But still apparently his memory is a big deal in death. It's not a jealousy thing. She really doesn't care a whole lot about her own legacy. Just that the Widows are safe. Clint's with his family. The people she cares about are happy, living.]
We have to come up with a way to void out his powers. Magic that drains. Magic that does the opposite? I don't know. Something. Maybe Dr. Strange and him can come up with something that we can use. Maybe even like the Widow bites. Some kind of magical charge that at the very least stops them before they can do anything.
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And Tony knows [and someday they're both going to learn that Tony does not, in fact, know, that they both were having a tremendously stupid misunderstanding about the whole thing] after talking to me about how he went and fucked the king for something in exchange. Like, eyes open, deliberate exchange. Made a few crass remarks. He's lucky I didn't punch him in the face again.
[He looks out along the water, rolling a shoulder.] Steve worries about us sometimes, but somehow Tony and I make it work. Fight and then get over it. Now, far as what to do about the charming Spring King, anyone got a bottle of glue to keep his mouth shut? Maybe a roll of duct tape?
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[Getting those little creeps out of her hair, and well she's done more than kissing for less.]
Tony knew and said something? [Tony's an ass even on the best of days. He's certainly made sexual comments about Nat while Nat was there-- granted, it was before he knew what she was capable of. But still. She doesn't think Tony would purposely poke at something of this nature.
But-- well men are men between the two of them. Sometimes it's easier to just punch it out and move on. She shakes her head.]
You can't bottle it all up. And we can't fight them with our usual tactics. Me and you might be out of our depths, but that doesn't mean we have to stay there. I'm not suggesting trading or being tricked or whatever else they want to call deals. If Tony did his his way, he's a big boy. You and I, we can find a way through this. Together. I'm still here, you know. You could have come to me, too.
[And really she should probably talk to Steve, too. But probably she should talk to Bucky first.]
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And she's still here. Hasn't disappeared. Isn't dead.
He lifts her hand and lightly kisses the back of it.] I came to you now. [He's not going to apologize for not coming sooner. Tony was out of the blue, and Steve was just a product of circumstance. This was a deliberate choice, and he feels like that means something more than nothing.] I'm not trying to keep secrets.
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I don't think you are. We're having this conversation like we said we would. I know what this means. What happens after that kind of choice gets taken from you. I just want you to know I am here. I'm still your partner. Even if you've replaced me. [It's a tease, a lift of the corner of her mouth, because even if Kate is cool and good at what she does, that doesn't mean Natasha can be replaced either. She is happy that he has someone in his corner though.
But here? She can still be that for him, too.]